I'm SO VERY EXCITED for the new job to start!!! It's becoming more real as the days go by. My last day at the 'old job' is only seven working days away! AAAHHHH!!!! I CAN'T WAIT! Now I just need to find some new clothes to wear... can't be wearing my jeans and t's to work anymore. It's times like these that I miss the states (and when I'm in the mood for some good ole Mexican grub)... oh how I do miss decent second hand clothing shops... there's not very much here to choose from and some of them smell pretty musty... ew. I'll gather the pieces slowly though... my perfect wardrobe will arrive piece by piece... oh yes... it WILL arrive. ;)
The house is in a state of constant turnover. I get it looking really put together and then I get another load from storage which does a hostile takeover on the house... tornado alley if you will. It's currently in a non-pretty phase, but I'll get it sorted by the weekend... and then I'll get more storage. :) I think I've only got about five more loads to go before it's empty, so I'm doing well. I can't wait 'till it's all gathered and then I can really focus on the what's in the house instead of what's waiting to get in. I hope to get the rest in time for the winter when I can hunker down and be all 'nesty'.
Ms. Roomie is good. She starts school next week and I can tell she's REALLY looking forward to it. I think she's bored. The summer school and camp she volunteered for is over and there's not much for her to be doing during the day... but that's just fine by me... she's 18... she SHOULD be doing a whole lot of nothing... cuz as most of us know, that ain't gonna last for long.
Ex-hubby and I are doing really well... lots of changes and lots of moving forward... and with it all... a lot of understanding and acceptance. It's such a relief that we are able to travel in the right direction... I feel like such a mature 'grown-up' sometimes... it's weird... but cool.
My fantabulous little people are back at school and seem to be very happy about it. Little Miss is using all her Irish and I'm doing my best to keep up (eek). At least her dad and nan can speak a sufficient amount of Irish... I'll be taking a night class next year when the small man joins her at 'BIG' school... I can't be having them speaking a secret language right in front of me! For now, he's in playschool and is as much of a super hero as ever. He came home and told everyone his teacher is Ms. Bossy. When asked what her proper name was, he didn't even pause and said 'Ms. Bossy'! :) They're both such characters... they drive me nuts and keep me sane. Parenthood is so bizarre... someone should write a book about it. ;)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Newsworthy Month
Well my goodness, what a difference a day can make, or in this case - two months. So much to tell...
Life is so different being a single parent rather than just being single. The consideration of my life with children is so powerful, it really prevents me from being reckless with emotions whether they be my children's, mine or other 'single' people. I've been on a couple of dates... no spark, but it was nice to have someone express an interest in me. The fella seemed to like me quite a bit so I had to put all my cards on the table straight away and let him know my lack of intention. He seemed bummed, but happy that I had been honest with him. As far as my future single life... good god, who the hell knows... I'm unwilling to insist that I feel any particular way about anything. For the most part I'm quite enjoying spending time with my mates and enjoying good company with no expectations... It also fun to chat about guys with my niece and enjoy what it feels like to fancy someone even if it's just fleeting. Boys, boys, boys... it's feckin' hilarious!
I'm absolutely over the moon the last couple of days... I've gone and got myself a new job in the town of Midleton, which is amazingly cool. There is rarely an opportunity for a job like mine there because the town isn't very large. I'll be starting at the end of September and I just cannot wait to get out of here. My current boss has pushed boundaries, crossed lines and taken complete advantage of my situation knowing full well that I couldn't leave regardless of how unhappy I was here. It is a huge relief to know I will be leaving that behind. The prospect of working so close to home is overwhelming... I'm lost in the happiness. I'll be able to spend so much more time with my gang and even be able to drop them off at school... It's a dream come true. Here's the link ... I'm the new Office / HR Manager. http://www.apexfundservices.com/
The house is coming along quite nicely. Of course I want everything done yesterday, but it all takes time and if I can step back and view things without being too hard on myself, I've actually done quite well getting it so put together in only five months. The list is long of things to do, but slowly and surely it's all coming together. My next big change will be hanging all the stuff up on the walls... that will make a HUGE difference and be so nice to see all the fabulous imagery everyday.
My niece is settling in very well and she basically hit the ground running. She volunteered for two different summer camps and is in the process of enrolling in school. She's already done some babysitting and there's loads more to come... She never even skipped a beat... it's been great. It's so nice to have someone at home... someone to giggle with and just enjoy watching a movie with... AND there's is of course the wardrobe privledges. I've lost a good bit of weight (one of the perk's of stress) and got rid of the majority of my clothing... BUT... I fit into my niece's clothes! Woo hoo... :) It's just as well cuz I can't be blowing money on a new wardrobe right now. Yes, me and my roomie are very happy! ;)
The process of being separated is going smoothly. It's clear the kids are what's most important to us and we both make sure to consider each other when making decisions... I'm very happy to be able to say that things are good between us.
And the kids... I always like saving them for last. They're both headed back to school on the 1st. So BIG! It's great that they'll both have regular schedules with all their friends and also that their nan will get some time to herself. Other than that, they are doing unsurprisingly fabulous. I've got such cool kids... AND they're cute ta'boot! :)
My world is feeling much more solid and the pieces have really started falling into place this month... It feels good to feel good.
Life is so different being a single parent rather than just being single. The consideration of my life with children is so powerful, it really prevents me from being reckless with emotions whether they be my children's, mine or other 'single' people. I've been on a couple of dates... no spark, but it was nice to have someone express an interest in me. The fella seemed to like me quite a bit so I had to put all my cards on the table straight away and let him know my lack of intention. He seemed bummed, but happy that I had been honest with him. As far as my future single life... good god, who the hell knows... I'm unwilling to insist that I feel any particular way about anything. For the most part I'm quite enjoying spending time with my mates and enjoying good company with no expectations... It also fun to chat about guys with my niece and enjoy what it feels like to fancy someone even if it's just fleeting. Boys, boys, boys... it's feckin' hilarious!
I'm absolutely over the moon the last couple of days... I've gone and got myself a new job in the town of Midleton, which is amazingly cool. There is rarely an opportunity for a job like mine there because the town isn't very large. I'll be starting at the end of September and I just cannot wait to get out of here. My current boss has pushed boundaries, crossed lines and taken complete advantage of my situation knowing full well that I couldn't leave regardless of how unhappy I was here. It is a huge relief to know I will be leaving that behind. The prospect of working so close to home is overwhelming... I'm lost in the happiness. I'll be able to spend so much more time with my gang and even be able to drop them off at school... It's a dream come true. Here's the link ... I'm the new Office / HR Manager. http://www.apexfundservices.com/
The house is coming along quite nicely. Of course I want everything done yesterday, but it all takes time and if I can step back and view things without being too hard on myself, I've actually done quite well getting it so put together in only five months. The list is long of things to do, but slowly and surely it's all coming together. My next big change will be hanging all the stuff up on the walls... that will make a HUGE difference and be so nice to see all the fabulous imagery everyday.
My niece is settling in very well and she basically hit the ground running. She volunteered for two different summer camps and is in the process of enrolling in school. She's already done some babysitting and there's loads more to come... She never even skipped a beat... it's been great. It's so nice to have someone at home... someone to giggle with and just enjoy watching a movie with... AND there's is of course the wardrobe privledges. I've lost a good bit of weight (one of the perk's of stress) and got rid of the majority of my clothing... BUT... I fit into my niece's clothes! Woo hoo... :) It's just as well cuz I can't be blowing money on a new wardrobe right now. Yes, me and my roomie are very happy! ;)
The process of being separated is going smoothly. It's clear the kids are what's most important to us and we both make sure to consider each other when making decisions... I'm very happy to be able to say that things are good between us.
And the kids... I always like saving them for last. They're both headed back to school on the 1st. So BIG! It's great that they'll both have regular schedules with all their friends and also that their nan will get some time to herself. Other than that, they are doing unsurprisingly fabulous. I've got such cool kids... AND they're cute ta'boot! :)
My world is feeling much more solid and the pieces have really started falling into place this month... It feels good to feel good.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
New Roomie... Fast Approaching
Can't wait for my new roomie... She's due to arrive a week from Thursday... That's only NINE days away! Of course there's still her room to organise. :)
I've turned my Sunday's into the 'Do Days'... I don't have the smallies and so I make sure I do something that makes a noticable impact whenever I enter the space. This coming Sunday will be 'Sort the Roomie Room' day. Last Sunday I SCOURED both bathrooms. They were 'clean', but I hadn't done a real deep cleaning since moving in... So there I was on my hands and knees scrubbing floors, removing excessive grout and paint splatter and just generally making them sparkle. Very pleased. The Sunday before that I went at the back garden. The hill isn't done, but with the help of one of my girlfriends I moved all the rubbish (from the installation of floors and appliances that was done in order for us to move in) and put it all into a 'Skippo Bag' (portable dump to be removed when I ring them to collect it) and mowed the lawn that resides on the flat portion of the back... YEARS of tall wild grass, having never been clipped but instead simply fallen... It was like combing the worst tangles and then mowing... then combing, then mowing... then combing, then mowing. Needless to say I was tired and sore, but also felt very accomplished... Lots of that feeling lately. :) So now I have a lovely area for the kids to play... We had a picnic last Saturday and they are enjoying being able to just 'be' outside. It's great... what a change from the danger zone that was there for so long.
Other than that, we're all just truckin' along. Work is demanding, but every day gets a little less 'heavy' to deal with... I suppose that comes with me learning how to manage my boss instead of just reacting to him... Funny how that works. The people I work with are all genuinely fabulous... It's just him... he's just a bit of a head wreck... but like I said... I'm getting my head 'round it.
Kids are good, good, good. So funny. I'm am drivin batty regularly, but so amused in the process. The small man was walking around the other day (I'm encouraging him to hit inanimate objects vs. warm blooded bodies)... He had his boxing gloves on, two small play saucepans sticking out of his pants because the handles were 'in my jocks' and he was kicking the soccer ball. He informed me the pans helped him kick the ball better... crazy cool. Little Miss Miss is just that. She had a meltdown yesterday because she didn't have any shoes at her Nan's that matched her outfit and she wouldn't go outside to play because she didn't match... She's FIVE. Scary... We're doing some damage control on that end, and have suggested that there be a reduction in 'pre-teen' t.v. program viewing. Total Drama Queen... I have NO IDEA where she got THAT! :) I have hope that she'll grow out of it.
The weather here is BLAH! Waiting for some steady sun, but I think holding my breath would be a BAD idea. Hope it's at least nicer than last year... pretty bleak stuff.
This is me signing off for now.
-d
I've turned my Sunday's into the 'Do Days'... I don't have the smallies and so I make sure I do something that makes a noticable impact whenever I enter the space. This coming Sunday will be 'Sort the Roomie Room' day. Last Sunday I SCOURED both bathrooms. They were 'clean', but I hadn't done a real deep cleaning since moving in... So there I was on my hands and knees scrubbing floors, removing excessive grout and paint splatter and just generally making them sparkle. Very pleased. The Sunday before that I went at the back garden. The hill isn't done, but with the help of one of my girlfriends I moved all the rubbish (from the installation of floors and appliances that was done in order for us to move in) and put it all into a 'Skippo Bag' (portable dump to be removed when I ring them to collect it) and mowed the lawn that resides on the flat portion of the back... YEARS of tall wild grass, having never been clipped but instead simply fallen... It was like combing the worst tangles and then mowing... then combing, then mowing... then combing, then mowing. Needless to say I was tired and sore, but also felt very accomplished... Lots of that feeling lately. :) So now I have a lovely area for the kids to play... We had a picnic last Saturday and they are enjoying being able to just 'be' outside. It's great... what a change from the danger zone that was there for so long.
Other than that, we're all just truckin' along. Work is demanding, but every day gets a little less 'heavy' to deal with... I suppose that comes with me learning how to manage my boss instead of just reacting to him... Funny how that works. The people I work with are all genuinely fabulous... It's just him... he's just a bit of a head wreck... but like I said... I'm getting my head 'round it.
Kids are good, good, good. So funny. I'm am drivin batty regularly, but so amused in the process. The small man was walking around the other day (I'm encouraging him to hit inanimate objects vs. warm blooded bodies)... He had his boxing gloves on, two small play saucepans sticking out of his pants because the handles were 'in my jocks' and he was kicking the soccer ball. He informed me the pans helped him kick the ball better... crazy cool. Little Miss Miss is just that. She had a meltdown yesterday because she didn't have any shoes at her Nan's that matched her outfit and she wouldn't go outside to play because she didn't match... She's FIVE. Scary... We're doing some damage control on that end, and have suggested that there be a reduction in 'pre-teen' t.v. program viewing. Total Drama Queen... I have NO IDEA where she got THAT! :) I have hope that she'll grow out of it.
The weather here is BLAH! Waiting for some steady sun, but I think holding my breath would be a BAD idea. Hope it's at least nicer than last year... pretty bleak stuff.
This is me signing off for now.
-d
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Fiber's Workin!
Hey! Check me out... ANOTHER post! ;)
Well I got the wardrobes put together... all on my lonesome. I felt so accomplished; they're fine sized wardrobes (three door, four drawer) and they are so damn cute... One pink and one blue. Since then, I've done a few more bits around the house. (I've decided to make myself a T-shirt: DIY Deni - ya know... just in case people are wondering who it is they're dealing with. ha!) I had the drill out again last night and sturdied up the counter top over the dryer, I pulled out all the old tiles and grout mix from WAY under the stairs and let 'himself' have them for a job he's doing and tonight I'm loading up the old three piece suite into a friends van so he can haul it off to the dump tomorrow. I also completely tidied up the kitchen and got rid of all the clutter tops and turned them back into counter tops! Can you say PRODUCTIVE boys and girls?!? It comes in waves... (oh yeah, and the new three piece suite is just lovely... it was another gimme, but in FAB condition and it suits the room better)
My roommate's room is a little closer to being done, but still have some work to do on that. CAN'T WAIT till she gets here! Only 22 days to go! (but whose counting)
Last weekend was a Bank Holiday weekend, so I went out with my girlfriends... TWO NIGHTS! (one was a nice dinner combining the celebration of Mama and a friends 40th) I tell ya, I just didn't know what to do with myself... I thoroughly enjoyed going out and meeting loads of gang and getting to being social with the masses... it was good. I know I don't have the smallies ALL THE TIME, but working full-time in such a freakishly unpleasant job really takes its toll... It was so nice to have some adult time that wasn't just doing up the house or being at work...
Okay... that was it, just a little bit of somethin' about somethin'.
(I do realise that pix are needed... I'll make an effort)
Well I got the wardrobes put together... all on my lonesome. I felt so accomplished; they're fine sized wardrobes (three door, four drawer) and they are so damn cute... One pink and one blue. Since then, I've done a few more bits around the house. (I've decided to make myself a T-shirt: DIY Deni - ya know... just in case people are wondering who it is they're dealing with. ha!) I had the drill out again last night and sturdied up the counter top over the dryer, I pulled out all the old tiles and grout mix from WAY under the stairs and let 'himself' have them for a job he's doing and tonight I'm loading up the old three piece suite into a friends van so he can haul it off to the dump tomorrow. I also completely tidied up the kitchen and got rid of all the clutter tops and turned them back into counter tops! Can you say PRODUCTIVE boys and girls?!? It comes in waves... (oh yeah, and the new three piece suite is just lovely... it was another gimme, but in FAB condition and it suits the room better)
My roommate's room is a little closer to being done, but still have some work to do on that. CAN'T WAIT till she gets here! Only 22 days to go! (but whose counting)
Last weekend was a Bank Holiday weekend, so I went out with my girlfriends... TWO NIGHTS! (one was a nice dinner combining the celebration of Mama and a friends 40th) I tell ya, I just didn't know what to do with myself... I thoroughly enjoyed going out and meeting loads of gang and getting to being social with the masses... it was good. I know I don't have the smallies ALL THE TIME, but working full-time in such a freakishly unpleasant job really takes its toll... It was so nice to have some adult time that wasn't just doing up the house or being at work...
Okay... that was it, just a little bit of somethin' about somethin'.
(I do realise that pix are needed... I'll make an effort)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Long Overdue...
Okay, okay, okay... So I should have updated this ages ago, but time has not permitted me to do so. So much going on these days.
Work is... well... a long story. :) Not the happiest place to be in the world, but I'm able to pay for what is needed, and right now that's what counts.
Home is coming along slowly but surely. I've got to get my stuff out of storage, which I had a quick peek at yesterday... and it is no small task, let me assure you. There's a hell of a lot more there than I had imagined. I'm just going to have to go one box at a time... which is a good way to do it really. Put, give or throw stuff away as I come across it.
The kids have new wardrobes, so I've got to put those together; I've got to clear out the 'spare room' for my future housemate and just generally start going through all the 'catch-all' areas I've created in the corners of each room. I look forward to finding all my treasures in storage and putting them out/up. Pretty much every room is 'put together' though. There's loads to do, but it's very livable... and comfy.
My parents were out recently and they were able to do a good few jobs that will make all the difference... even the smallest projects are having a huge impact. I wouldn't have gotten round to doing those things on my own, so I'm so grateful they were here to help. I'd say it was their final visit though... they wouldn't be big fans of the long haul travelling. Still it was so nice for them to be able to see where we're at.
I look forward to my niece arriving. I'm REALLY looking forward to it! I just can't wait!!! It'll be so cool to have a blast of high powered energy in the house... and the creativity too... so EXCITED!!!
I'm actually doing quite well... I'm in a very good head space. I'm beyond the despair (not that there was a whole lot anyways) and I'm quite happy in myself. I'm able to spend time with my children everyday, provide for them, pay my bills, sleep at night and enjoy the company of good friends. Life's not too shabby. The ex and I are doing well too. Still no hatred, still very pleasant with each other and very easy to be around each other. I'm so pleased about that.
Last but NEVER least... the smallies. They are, of course, FABULOUS! :) The small man has been sick for the last five days with a tummy bug, so all his spitfire is smoldered, but he's starting to come'round. The little lady is... well... she's just so awesome. She's such a good big sister and has so much love in her that she wants to share with everyone. She's gonna be every one's mammy when she gets older... A nurturing bossy-boots. :) School is finishing up soon... it'll be a challenge to occupy the kids, but their Daddy will be getting out of school too. Between him and the grandparents, the entertainment options should be high. Let's just hope for a decent summer... Last year was diabolical.
Okay... that's it from me for this time. I won't make any promises, but I'll try to add some Blog-fiber into my diet in order to be a bit more regular.
Work is... well... a long story. :) Not the happiest place to be in the world, but I'm able to pay for what is needed, and right now that's what counts.
Home is coming along slowly but surely. I've got to get my stuff out of storage, which I had a quick peek at yesterday... and it is no small task, let me assure you. There's a hell of a lot more there than I had imagined. I'm just going to have to go one box at a time... which is a good way to do it really. Put, give or throw stuff away as I come across it.
The kids have new wardrobes, so I've got to put those together; I've got to clear out the 'spare room' for my future housemate and just generally start going through all the 'catch-all' areas I've created in the corners of each room. I look forward to finding all my treasures in storage and putting them out/up. Pretty much every room is 'put together' though. There's loads to do, but it's very livable... and comfy.
My parents were out recently and they were able to do a good few jobs that will make all the difference... even the smallest projects are having a huge impact. I wouldn't have gotten round to doing those things on my own, so I'm so grateful they were here to help. I'd say it was their final visit though... they wouldn't be big fans of the long haul travelling. Still it was so nice for them to be able to see where we're at.
I look forward to my niece arriving. I'm REALLY looking forward to it! I just can't wait!!! It'll be so cool to have a blast of high powered energy in the house... and the creativity too... so EXCITED!!!
I'm actually doing quite well... I'm in a very good head space. I'm beyond the despair (not that there was a whole lot anyways) and I'm quite happy in myself. I'm able to spend time with my children everyday, provide for them, pay my bills, sleep at night and enjoy the company of good friends. Life's not too shabby. The ex and I are doing well too. Still no hatred, still very pleasant with each other and very easy to be around each other. I'm so pleased about that.
Last but NEVER least... the smallies. They are, of course, FABULOUS! :) The small man has been sick for the last five days with a tummy bug, so all his spitfire is smoldered, but he's starting to come'round. The little lady is... well... she's just so awesome. She's such a good big sister and has so much love in her that she wants to share with everyone. She's gonna be every one's mammy when she gets older... A nurturing bossy-boots. :) School is finishing up soon... it'll be a challenge to occupy the kids, but their Daddy will be getting out of school too. Between him and the grandparents, the entertainment options should be high. Let's just hope for a decent summer... Last year was diabolical.
Okay... that's it from me for this time. I won't make any promises, but I'll try to add some Blog-fiber into my diet in order to be a bit more regular.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Solo... and NOT loving it - This is me having a MOAN!
Well, this all sucks.
I was planning to get the keys to house, move in and enjoy having my family all to myself in my own house... finally. It's been so long since we lived alone... just us. That's when I'm happiest, and it's been quite a while since we've had a home to ourselves. I couldn't wait... and better yet, we wouldn't even be renting... we would OWN this house. The excitement was brewing... but I wasn't letting it out... I was just waiting for those keys!
Clearly, not the plan from the other side. His revelation took all the wind out of my sails.
Don't get me wrong... I'm happy to have the house... but now it's just mine. I'm enjoying the prospect of settling in, putting it all together and making it a home but my joy isn't all consuming as I had expected it would be. I'm tired... all the time. There's not only the new house stresses to deal with, there's also the new job (which I knew would be high pressure, and it IS) and NOW the new marital status. That's a lot to squeeze into three weeks. The pressure is taking it's toll, and I'm just so feckin' tired. The new job was going to afford us the ability to not skip a beat financially; my increase in wages was going to fill the gap between our old rent and the new mortgage. Now I get to cover all those costs on my own... I'll make it... but wow... what a shift in budgeting!
The kids are doing fine with everything for the most part... They 'understand', but the small girl has lost her bubbliness... I'm so sad over that. She speaks very matter of fact'ly about everything, but I know she's sad and frustrated by it all. The kids... really, that's what's bothering me the most. THEY are the ones who will suffer most through all this... but also, they are the ones who are most adaptable. They'll be alright, I know, but it's hard watching them go through the process.
I'm over the shock and now into the reality that is life without a spouse. I don't like it much... but I think he does... which is a real pisser. I don't suspect he'll ever change his mind. I've been 'letting go' for the last few weeks... but do I hold out hope? Should I just cut the strings or is the possibility of reconnection a real thing? Who knows... he probably doesn't even know himself right now.
I am very busy though, and I think that helps. Distraction is nice... because it would be so easy to wallow in the consideration of my circumstances. There's so much to do to the house and work is so demanding that for the most part, I'll hardly notice he's not there... well... sort of. You get the drift.
I want to make the time I have with the kids the best time and so I'm trying to really include them in the 'doing up' of the house. I had them screwing bolts into a shelf last night... Little Miss is quite the builder! ;) I'm trying not to get frustrated with them... they're just kids... and running around being curious about boxes full of 'SCHTUFF' is irresistible. I'm getting better at just laughing at them... it's such a good diffuser.
I know I'll be just fine... but some days are better than others... understandably. It's just a matter of looking forward and taking one step at a time. Wouldn't it be nice if I could fast forward one year... get through it all and not even notice! :) This next year will be an adventure... much like the last six (why stop now, eh?). I'll come out the other side stronger and wiser and hopefully no less vulnerable to emotion.
I was planning to get the keys to house, move in and enjoy having my family all to myself in my own house... finally. It's been so long since we lived alone... just us. That's when I'm happiest, and it's been quite a while since we've had a home to ourselves. I couldn't wait... and better yet, we wouldn't even be renting... we would OWN this house. The excitement was brewing... but I wasn't letting it out... I was just waiting for those keys!
Clearly, not the plan from the other side. His revelation took all the wind out of my sails.
Don't get me wrong... I'm happy to have the house... but now it's just mine. I'm enjoying the prospect of settling in, putting it all together and making it a home but my joy isn't all consuming as I had expected it would be. I'm tired... all the time. There's not only the new house stresses to deal with, there's also the new job (which I knew would be high pressure, and it IS) and NOW the new marital status. That's a lot to squeeze into three weeks. The pressure is taking it's toll, and I'm just so feckin' tired. The new job was going to afford us the ability to not skip a beat financially; my increase in wages was going to fill the gap between our old rent and the new mortgage. Now I get to cover all those costs on my own... I'll make it... but wow... what a shift in budgeting!
The kids are doing fine with everything for the most part... They 'understand', but the small girl has lost her bubbliness... I'm so sad over that. She speaks very matter of fact'ly about everything, but I know she's sad and frustrated by it all. The kids... really, that's what's bothering me the most. THEY are the ones who will suffer most through all this... but also, they are the ones who are most adaptable. They'll be alright, I know, but it's hard watching them go through the process.
I'm over the shock and now into the reality that is life without a spouse. I don't like it much... but I think he does... which is a real pisser. I don't suspect he'll ever change his mind. I've been 'letting go' for the last few weeks... but do I hold out hope? Should I just cut the strings or is the possibility of reconnection a real thing? Who knows... he probably doesn't even know himself right now.
I am very busy though, and I think that helps. Distraction is nice... because it would be so easy to wallow in the consideration of my circumstances. There's so much to do to the house and work is so demanding that for the most part, I'll hardly notice he's not there... well... sort of. You get the drift.
I want to make the time I have with the kids the best time and so I'm trying to really include them in the 'doing up' of the house. I had them screwing bolts into a shelf last night... Little Miss is quite the builder! ;) I'm trying not to get frustrated with them... they're just kids... and running around being curious about boxes full of 'SCHTUFF' is irresistible. I'm getting better at just laughing at them... it's such a good diffuser.
I know I'll be just fine... but some days are better than others... understandably. It's just a matter of looking forward and taking one step at a time. Wouldn't it be nice if I could fast forward one year... get through it all and not even notice! :) This next year will be an adventure... much like the last six (why stop now, eh?). I'll come out the other side stronger and wiser and hopefully no less vulnerable to emotion.
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